Things I remembered on the road to "Potty Training"
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I was asked yesterday about tips for "Potty Training" for her (ASD) son. The imagines were cringing as I thought back. Even though it was years ago I still remember being grateful that journey was "OVER," it was a total nightmare. 
                                   *My Parent Perspective suggestions on potty training*-
I remembered listening to other parents in my center base programs who had the same concerns with no clear results. I went to workshop after workshop which were very few in my area at that time. I traveled in my old burgundy van as one would say, "it's was on last leg of traveling" but we always make it to our destination and back with a lot of prayers, to sit for a hour or so to listen, take notes on how to train my son to "pee-pee and poop" in the toilet. I remember being asked to leave this one workshop, the one time, I didn't have a baby sitter and my little person did exactly his "normal." You can imagine his energy being thrust in a room full of strange parents looking for the same "quick fix" on potty training. Being the prepared mom as I thought, I had my black bag of quiet activities and snacks that was all short lived. After he assembled his new lego designs, mastered his block puzzles, colored and trace in several books, and ate his snacks, he wanted nothing more to do with this sterile environment workshop. So, of course, he explored the room, hummed "off" tune, chattered to his toys, all while pulling for my attention. After, I exhausted all my energy the workshop instructor asked me to leave so others may learn without disturbance. Fortunately, my friend's husband stepped in to offer to take him out for a much needed walk. 

​*You should also be emotionally ready as there will be some set backs and clean ups in the early stages:
I listened to the wisdom of "regular moms" suggestions with no avail, he was not having no part of the "potty". You know the one where they tell you, "put him on underwear when his bottom gets wet enough he'll learn to release himself in the potty," or the one, if you put one or two "Cherrios" in the toilet for him to aim, it will be a game for him... Needless to say, a whole bag was dumped in the toilet days after. I recall fecal smearing everywhere on the walls, floor, his potty seat, and of course on him: hair, legs, face, clothes you name it - it was there waiting to be cleaned.

*One thing for sure is be consistent:
I recall having 4 different types of potty chairs to ease his boredom. He had one with steps that attached to big toilet. One that made noise when some elimination hit the bowl. One with gadgets attached to occupy his time while sitting, and then old faithful - no bells no whistles just a toilet seat.  
I always gave up after a week or so into it because I couldn't handle the daily clean up. It was easier to give in and put the Pull-Ups on.

*The toilet team:
When you decide to start toilet training, have a meeting with everyone involved in your child's life. This might be the grandparents, teachers, babysitter, friends - anyone who may be spending extended periods of time with your son or daughter. Decide what language you will be use around toileting. I decided the process of words were toilet and all body parts were called by their anatomically correct name. 
Everyone should use the same statement when it's time to go such as, "It's time to use the bathroom, "You have to go to the bathroom."

*Toilet Readiness:
Many people make the mistake of thinking toilet readiness is related to chronological age - it is not. I have spoken to parents who tell me the age ranges from: 4-24, the greater the development delay, the greater the toileting delay tends to be.
Some signs of toileting readiness I learned:
**gets a diaper when needs to eliminate
** goes off to a quiet spot for toileting
** asks to be changed when a diaper/pull ups is soiled

Learning to use the toilet will not look the same for each child/young adult...
One thing is for sure when they are ready - they're ready...

I'm was in the store looking at how this situation was about to unfold, a mother yelling at her two little ones, of which one had special needs. I looked around assessing the situation on how she was going to manage their next level of development. The people in the store became anxious with concern of advice on the best way to handle her children. Rather than assuming that she is a bad mother....We can choose to assume she is a mother at her wits end, stressed out mentally and financially and that her actions in the store are not representative of her overall disposition--not functioning on the default settings means giving strangers even those that you find irritating in the moment, the benefit of the doubt. See I once was that mother at wits end who had an uncontrollable runner and parenting advice in the heat of that moment was not always appreciated when my parenting shoes was truly different from theirs.  Change your assumption....

 As the summer season is winding down we must set our sight on our children going back to school. We as parents with children with special needs must gear ourselves with IEP-(Individual Education Plan) process, review last year's plan and try to remember what in the world all those acronyms mean again.  Not to fear, now that my son has graduated and moving on to his post-secondary education. I feel I have gain knowledge for my PhD in IEP learning ;-). I'll dust the cobwebs off to share tips of information to start the school year off.

Let's get start with acronyms and words to know:
FAPE- Free Appropriate Public Education
IEP- Individualized Education "Program"-some people do refer to it also as a "PLAN" -don't get confuse it still means to set reasonable learning goals for your child. And to state the services that the school district will provide for your child.
IDEA-Individuals with Disabilities Education
ISD- Intermediate School District
LEA- Local Educational Agency
MARSE- Michigan Administrative Rules for Special Education
MCL- Michigan Compiled Law
The MCL mandates that special education services are provided from birth through age 25. Federal funding for special education is only for children and youth ages 3 through 21. Therefore, programs and services paid for by IDEA Part B funds only serve children and youth ages 3 through 21. Also, data used for federal reporting only concerns children and youth ages 3 through 21. The state and districts must use state and local funds to provide special education programs and services to eligible children from birth through age 2 and youth ages 22 through 25, as mandated by the MCL
MDE- Michigan Department of Education
MET- Multidisciplinary Evaluation Team
OSE-EIS - Office of Special Education and Early Intervention Services
REED- Review of Existing Evaluation Data
SEA- State Educational Agency
SEAC -Special Education Advisory Committee
Referral:
A request that a child, suspected to have a disability, be evaluated to determine:
1) if a child is a child with a disability
2) if a child is eligible for special education programs and or services
Mediation:
Mediation is a collaborative means of resolving disputes. When parents, educators or service providers disagree over a special education or early intervention matter, they can try to find a solution together with help from a neutral third party.
Fortunately, I never had to go through this process......

This is part one of "Get Ready Here come an "IEP"- Involved Empowered Parent"
Knowledge is powerful and our children need us to be a well running machine to deal with the ups and downs of their education journey.

 My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by.  Today I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance, for Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations. 

Obituary
Common Sense 

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.  He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. 

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.  

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault. 

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.  She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.. 

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

 

Today, on Father's Day, I want to honor dads who too often get overlooked for their daily efforts regarding their challenged children.

As a single parent of a young man with challenges I especially appreciate all the engaged dads who take quality time to embrace their assignment. The job of parenting is not effortless, to say the least, but dads who go that extra mile I say bravo to you. This is what it comes down to for these special dads. Sacrifice. Commitment. Selflessness. Love. Attention. Affection.

Any guy can be a father. Any father can be a dad if he truly wants to be. But it takes extraordinary efforts to be a dad for a child who may forever be a child. What better day than today to honor these men.

If you know a dad who also fits this unique profile, give them a call, send them a text, knock on their door and let them know. Yeah, they might first get embarrassed, but at the end of the day – every day – they need to know they are valued, appreciated and, today, publicly recognized.

It may just be their favorite Father's Day gift in a long time.

Enjoy your day dads